aren’t even mine…

it’s one of the darkest feelings i’ve ever known... unworthy.  and maybe i want to learn to start questioning it

it’s one of the darkest feelings
i’ve ever known… unworthy.

and maybe i want to learn to start
questioning it when i feel it.
like… is it always even mine?

because if it’s from someone else…
someone else’s unkindness, or judgment,
or their own unworthiness they’re projecting…
then i want to learn to say no.

i think maybe my own battles would get a little
easier to face if i wasn’t also fighting the
ones that aren’t even mine.

– butterflies rising

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too full, too much…

she’s flowers and fire. - butterflies rising

for so long
i thought if i could just become. enough.
that it would be enough for him to be good to me
until i finally realized that wasn’t what he wanted.

he wanted me to be pretty enough
to be beautiful in his eyes,
but my eyes better not be too bright,
and that dress better not be too short,
and those lips better not be too full of lush and love
or talk of too much life for anyone else to see
something beautiful in me…
or heaven forbid,
for me to see something beautiful in myself.
and those dreams i had to find my voice and to spill
all the wild from my heart out into the world…
if i was chasing those dreams,
then i wouldn’t be small enough or sitting still enough as
the sure thing there waiting while he was chasing his.
the more i tried to be. enough. the more i became too much.

because underneath all the ways he needed me to be small,
“enough” is what he felt like he wasn’t.

– butterflies rising

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the beautiful things they do…

the stunningly beautiful things they do

The Beautiful Things They Do…

if you keep trying to find love
with people who are broken inside
you will spend your energy and the moments
of your life, so lost, searching for understanding
of why they do all of the harmful, destructive
things they do…

but if you can be patient with love,
and save yourself for a love
with someone who is whole within,
then you will get to live your moments
and spend this journey endlessly in awe of the
way they do all of the stunningly
beautiful things they do.

– butterflies rising

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an “i’m sorry” under every breath…

i’ve apologized for myself for so much of my life... and i’m still learning how to take up space

i’ve apologized for myself for so much
of my life… and i’m still learning how to take
up space without feeling like i’m holding an
“i’m sorry” under every breath.

– butterflies rising

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