too full, too much…

for so long
i thought if i could
just become. enough.
that it would be enough
for him to be good to me…
until i finally realized that
wasn’t what he wanted.
he wanted me
to be pretty enough
to be beautiful in his eyes,
but my eyes better
not be too bright,
and that dress better
not be too short,
and those lips better not be
too full of lush and love
or talk of too much life for
anyone else to see something
beautiful in me…
or heaven forbid, for me to see
something beautiful in myself.
and those dreams i had to
find my voice and to spill out
the words and the wild
from my heart onto pages
and out into the world…
if i was chasing those dreams,
then i wouldn’t be small enough
or sitting still enough as
the sure thing there waiting
while he was chasing his.
the more i tried to be. enough.
the more i became too much.
because underneath all the
ways he needed me to be small,
“enough” is what he felt
like he wasn’t.

– butterflies rising

Read More →

the beautiful things they do…

the stunningly beautiful things they do

The Beautiful Things They Do…

if you keep trying to find love
with people who are broken inside
you will spend your energy and the moments
of your life, so lost, searching for understanding
of why they do all of the harmful, destructive
things they do…

but if you can be patient with love,
and save yourself for a love
with someone who is whole within,
then you will get to live your moments
and spend this journey endlessly in awe of the
way they do all of the stunningly
beautiful things they do.

– butterflies rising

Read More →