aren’t even mine…

it’s one of the darkest feelings i’ve ever known... unworthy.  and maybe i want to learn to start questioning it

it’s one of the darkest feelings
i’ve ever known… unworthy.

and maybe i want to learn to start
questioning it when i feel it.
like… is it always even mine?

because if it’s from someone else…
someone else’s unkindness, or judgment,
or their own unworthiness they’re projecting…
then i want to learn to say no.

i think maybe my own battles would get a little
easier to face if i wasn’t also fighting the
ones that aren’t even mine.

– butterflies rising

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love her flowers and fire…

love her flowers and fire

he loved my fire…
as long as i was held tight within his grasp.
but when i was out of his line of sight,
i’d better be somewhere
soft-voiced and southern-charmed,
sitting still and not looking too pretty.
and so i made myself sweeter and smaller
and less and less and less, for his fears…
and in the end, he still couldn’t love me.
and i didn’t love me either.
but i’m slowly starting to…
and i want to love all of me.

so the next time a boy wants to bring me flowers,
he has to want to love my fire too.

– butterflies rising

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too full, too much…

for so long
i thought if i could
just become. enough.
that it would be enough
for him to be good to me…
until i finally realized that
wasn’t what he wanted.
he wanted me
to be pretty enough
to be beautiful in his eyes,
but my eyes better
not be too bright,
and that dress better
not be too short,
and those lips better not be
too full of lush and love
or talk of too much life for
anyone else to see something
beautiful in me…
or heaven forbid, for me to see
something beautiful in myself.
and those dreams i had to
find my voice and to spill out
the words and the wild
from my heart onto pages
and out into the world…
if i was chasing those dreams,
then i wouldn’t be small enough
or sitting still enough as
the sure thing there waiting
while he was chasing his.
the more i tried to be. enough.
the more i became too much.
because underneath all the
ways he needed me to be small,
“enough” is what he felt
like he wasn’t.

– butterflies rising

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she’s got all that wildflower energy in her veins…

she’s got all that wildflower energy in her veins - butterflies rising

she’s butterfly-wild,
chasing all those inner fires,
her restless spirit
aching for something beautiful,
reaching for something more,
so flower-sweet and fire-wild,
she’s got all those big dreams
inside of her taking hold and
trying to stretch her, trying to grow her,
her wandering spirit
aching to find its way to open air,
searching for something golden
and sun-kissed,
reaching for so. much. more.
craving an untamed freedom
that tastes like pulse, and heartbeat,
and deep breath, and wild skin.
and she feels it all. and she will find it.
because she’s meant for it…
she’s got all that wildflower energy
in her veins.

– butterflies rising

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