it’s one of the darkest feelings
i’ve ever known… unworthy.
and maybe i want to learn to start
questioning it when i feel it.
like… is it always even mine?
because if it’s from someone else…
someone else’s unkindness, or judgment,
or their own unworthiness they’re projecting…
then i want to learn to say no.
i think maybe my own battles would get a little
easier to face if i wasn’t also fighting the
ones that aren’t even mine.
– butterflies rising
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Soft Soul…
you are so
sensitive,
and you think
that’s what’s
wrong with you…
but it’s something beautiful
about you,
it’s what makes you
so good.
– butterflies rising
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i spent so long aching for him
to be good to me,
to just let someone be good to me…
it’s a whole new muscle memory my
heart still has to learn.
– butterflies rising
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never again
let your heart settle.
never. again.
hold it close to anyone
who doesn’t see
your light-giving,
breath-stealing,
fire-starting magic…
or who sees it all,
and tries to hold you back.
never again.
– butterflies rising
Read More →for so long
i thought if i could
just become. enough.
that it would be enough
for him to be good to me…
until i finally realized that
wasn’t what he wanted.
he wanted me
to be pretty enough
to be beautiful in his eyes,
but my eyes better
not be too bright,
and that dress better
not be too short,
and those lips better not be
too full of lush and love
or talk of too much life for
anyone else to see something
beautiful in me…
or heaven forbid, for me to see
something beautiful in myself.
and those dreams i had to
find my voice and to spill out
the words and the wild
from my heart onto pages
and out into the world…
if i was chasing those dreams,
then i wouldn’t be small enough
or sitting still enough as
the sure thing there waiting
while he was chasing his.
the more i tried to be. enough.
the more i became too much.
because underneath all the
ways he needed me to be small,
“enough” is what he felt
like he wasn’t.
– butterflies rising
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she needs to become who she needs
to be for herself before she can ever be
anything for you.
– butterflies rising
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i stood there
in front of you
and i thought of everything
that had ever broken me,
i thought of everything
that had ever shattered my heart,
and in that moment when i looked at you
i thought of how maybe
i’ll tell you someday.
but for now, i just exhaled.
and i spoke nothing of any of it…
because all
of it made sense now,
and none of it
mattered anymore.
– butterflies rising
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you say it aches,
how much you miss her…
but did you love her with an ache when you had her?
you had every bit of her full attention,
but where was yours?
she broke her heart open for you
again and again… and you just. kept. closing yours.
and so you lost her. and now you learn…
you learn that holding has to have wanting,
and appreciating, and valuing. you learn that love
isn’t static. it’s kinetic, it’s movement,
it’s growth and curiosity. you learn that there has there has to be more wanting in the holding
to be just as much
than there is in missing, or in reaching for.
you learn that you have to ache for people when it matters…
you have to love someone when you have them.
– butterflies rising
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