i want to learn to look at myself in the same
way that i look at things i love, to feel the way
i feel when i think something is beautiful…
to look at myself and see something that
i love and think is beautiful.
– butterflies rising
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it’s one of the darkest feelings
i’ve ever known… unworthy.
and maybe i want to learn to start
questioning it when i feel it.
like… is it always even mine?
because if it’s from someone else…
someone else’s unkindness, or judgment,
or their own unworthiness they’re projecting…
then i want to learn to say no.
i think maybe my own battles would get a little
easier to face if i wasn’t also fighting the
ones that aren’t even mine.
– butterflies rising
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Soft Soul…
you are so
sensitive,
and you think
that’s what’s
wrong with you…
but it’s something beautiful
about you,
it’s what makes you
so good.
– butterflies rising
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i spent so long aching for him to be good to me,
to just let someone be good to me…
it’s a whole new muscle memory
my heart still has to learn.
– butterflies rising
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never again
let your heart settle.
never. again.
hold it close to anyone
who doesn’t see
your light-giving,
breath-stealing,
fire-starting magic…
or who sees it all,
and tries to hold you back.
never again.
– butterflies rising
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for so long
i thought if i could just become. enough.
that it would be enough for him to be good to me
until i finally realized that wasn’t what he wanted.
he wanted me to be pretty enough
to be beautiful in his eyes,
but my eyes better not be too bright,
and that dress better not be too short,
and those lips better not be too full of lush and love
or talk of too much life for anyone else to see
something beautiful in me…
or heaven forbid,
for me to see something beautiful in myself.
and those dreams i had to find my voice and to spill
all the wild from my heart out into the world…
if i was chasing those dreams,
then i wouldn’t be small enough or sitting still enough as
the sure thing there waiting while he was chasing his.
the more i tried to be. enough. the more i became too much.
because underneath all the ways he needed me to be small,
“enough” is what he felt like he wasn’t.
– butterflies rising
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she needs to become who she needs to be for herself before she can ever be anything for you.
– butterflies rising
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you say it aches,
how much you miss her…
but did you love her with an ache when you had her?
you had every bit of her full attention,
but where was yours?
she broke her heart open for you
again and again… and you just. kept. closing yours.
and so you lost her. and now you learn…
you learn that holding has to have wanting,
and appreciating, and valuing. you learn that love
isn’t static. it’s kinetic, it’s movement,
it’s growth and curiosity. you learn that there has there has to be more wanting in the holding
to be just as much
than there is in missing, or in reaching for.
you learn that you have to ache for people when it matters…
you have to love someone when you have them.
– butterflies rising
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