until you finally feel free…

let it fall through your fingers again and again and again until you finally feel free

letting go is an exorcism.
it’s standing on a bridge in the mountains
in the black of the night
and screaming to the stars as you throw
that necklace they gave you out into the canyon.
and you watch it fall into every bit of the black below
just to make sure to yourself that you will never, ever hold it again…
to make sure you understand that they will never, ever hold you again.
and it’s chewing them out of your heart the way you used to bite down into their chest,
and with that same intensity you used to feel when you were that close to them.
an excruciating. exorcism.
burning it all down and leaving it all behind
and gutting yourself inside out
until you remove every last trace.

but sometimes… letting go is just noticing.
a little change in your breath. how it comes a little easier from your lungs.
how you feel just a little different in your skin, like it holds a little less memory of
their fingertip touch and a little more texture of who you are.

and then sometimes… it’s finally surrendering.
giving in to the loosening of your grip on what you can no longer hold on to because
it just hurts too. much. to keep holding on.
so you decide it might be ok- it might be essential to start letting go.
and you let go just a little bit. and then a little bit more.
and you let it fall through your fingers
again and again and again
until you finally feel free.

– butterflies rising

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when a music lover loves…

the way a song makes you feel about them

when you love,
the music around you becomes
the soundtrack to the stories you are living
with that person in them

that time, those places, those moments,
it intertwines with all of it.
it becomes the energy that captures what you
feel with them, what you feel for them.
it becomes this visceral, engraved part of the life you live,
the life you know… a life that has them in it.

so, when it ends…
when you have to start unweaving
them from your stories, and untangling them
from your energy, and unraveling. them. from. your. life.

out of everything you have to let go of…

i don’t know if there’s
anything harder to let go of
than the way a song makes you
feel about them.

– when a music lover loves

– butterflies rising

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a growing season…

this is a growing season, of change, of turning, of shedding

this is a growing season,
of change, of turning, of shedding,
of letting things fall away,
and fall apart, and come undone,
and be uncovered

and then a space of surrender,
and being, just being.

and the reflections here are temporary,
so take them in and honor them,
and be honest with them, and own them…
but then forgive them,
and don’t stay in them

let it all go… let yourself bloom

– butterflies rising

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