too full, too much…

she’s flowers and fire. - butterflies rising

for so long
i thought if i could just become. enough.
that it would be enough for him to be good to me
until i finally realized that wasn’t what he wanted.

he wanted me to be pretty enough
to be beautiful in his eyes,
but my eyes better not be too bright,
and that dress better not be too short,
and those lips better not be too full of lush and love
or talk of too much life for anyone else to see
something beautiful in me…
or heaven forbid,
for me to see something beautiful in myself.
and those dreams i had to find my voice and to spill
all the wild from my heart out into the world…
if i was chasing those dreams,
then i wouldn’t be small enough or sitting still enough as
the sure thing there waiting while he was chasing his.
the more i tried to be. enough. the more i became too much.

because underneath all the ways he needed me to be small,
“enough” is what he felt like he wasn’t.

– butterflies rising

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what if only…

what if only, when you feel her reaching for you, you could reach too.

what if only,
when you feel
her reaching for you,
you could reach too.
maybe go a little higher.
just let yourself stretch.
and let your heart grow.
what if only,
instead of pulling away,
instead of trying to pull her down,
you could just go a little higher.
you could let her fire be bright.
and you could let your fear be small.
what if only
you could let the way you see
yourself be stretched…
you could let your whole. soul. grow.
i know you wonder what it could be like…
if maybe it’s beautiful there.
so what if only…

– butterflies rising

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she’s got all that wildflower energy in her veins…

she’s got all that wildflower energy in her veins - butterflies rising

she’s butterfly-wild,
chasing all those inner fires,
her restless spirit
aching for something beautiful,
reaching for something more,
so flower-sweet and fire-wild,
she’s got all those big dreams inside of her,
taking hold and trying to stretch her,
trying to grow her,
her wandering spirit
aching to find its way to open-air,
searching for something golden
and sun-kissed,
reaching for so. much. more.
craving an untamed freedom
that tastes like pulse and heartbeat
and deep breath and wild skin.
and she feels it all. and she will find it.
because she’s meant for it…
she’s got all that wildflower energy
in her veins.

– butterflies rising

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when it matters…

but did you love her with an ache when you had her?

you say it aches,
how much you miss her…
but did you love her with an ache when you had her?

you had every bit of her full attention,
but where was yours?
she broke her heart open for you
again and again… and you just. kept. closing yours.

and so you lost her. and now you learn…
you learn that holding has to have wanting,
and appreciating, and valuing. you learn that love
isn’t static. it’s kinetic, it’s movement,
it’s growth and curiosity. you learn that there has
to be just as much
there has to be more wanting in the holding
than there is in missing, or in reaching for.

you learn that you have to ache for people when it matters…
you have to love someone when you have them.

– butterflies rising

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