when it matters…

but did you love her with an ache when you had her?

you say it aches,
how much you miss her…
but did you love her with an ache when you had her?

you had every bit of her full attention,
but where was yours?
she broke her heart open for you
again and again… and you just. kept. closing yours.

and so you lost her. and now you learn…
you learn that holding has to have wanting,
and appreciating, and valuing. you learn that love
isn’t static. it’s kinetic, it’s movement,
it’s growth and curiosity. you learn that there has
to be just as much
there has to be more wanting in the holding
than there is in missing, or in reaching for.

you learn that you have to ache for people when it matters…
you have to love someone when you have them.

– butterflies rising

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exoneration…

standing strong in your fully mended bones

i hope that one day
the person who hurt you sees you from afar,
dancing in the radiance of
your unburdened spirit and standing
strong in your fully mended bones…

and that for just a moment you feel their gaze,
so you can forever know, without question,
the powerlessness of their
perception over you

– butterflies rising

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incapable…

never capable of feeling anything at all

i finally stopped waiting…
waiting for him to feel sorry, to feel regret,
to feel guilty, to realize how much
he had lost in me and to feel some certain
way for all that he had done to me…

i finally understood…
it really never had anything to do with me,
someone who is capable of all
that he had done was just never capable
of feeling anything at all.

– butterflies rising

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