you wanted me to dream… you’d say… you better stay hellbent in your heart…

you wanted me to dream. and you just wouldn't ever let me give in to the give-up

you wanted me to dream.
and you just wouldn’t ever let me
give in to the give-up.

you’d say…
“you better stay hellbent in your heart
and go where it wants you to go… because
it will ache if you don’t.”

and when i ache a little
from waiting on a dream, i remember
what you said, and i stay hellbent in my heart,
and i try to go where it wants me to go…
because i know that it will ache
even more if i don’t.

– butterflies rising

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where there’s wing-shaped air to stretch into all around me…

there is nothing i could lose that i would miss as much as i have missed the feel of my own soul when i wasn't listening to it

there is
nothing i could lose
that i would miss
as much as i have missed
the feel of my own soul
when i wasn’t listening to it,
and i’m listening now…
and it’s telling me
that i am meant to be
where my lungs can breathe easy
and where there’s wing-shaped air
to stretch into all around me

– butterflies rising

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when you let your fear fall quiet…

who are you when you put it all down for just a moment? when you let your fear fall quiet. - butterflies rising

who are you
when you put it all down
for just a moment?
when you let your fear fall quiet.
and you let your anxious heart settle.
and you let a little trust in.
and when you let your soul breathe…
and maybe even dream a little.
what if somewhere in the way that
all feels is who you really are.
and what if there is another life in it
you’re meant to find… one where
your breathing is allowed to be so easy
and the stars are allowed to be so close
and your heart is allowed to run so wild
and your dreams are allowed to burn so. bright.
what if somewhere in the way that
all feels is what it’s meant to be like.
what if… what could it all be like?
maybe let yourself feel it,
even if for just a moment; who you are
when you let all of your fears fall away.

– butterflies rising

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what if there is a life…

what if there is a life where your breathing is allowed to be so easy and the stars are allowed to be so close

what if
there is a life where
your breathing is
allowed to be so easy
and the stars are
allowed to be so close
and your heart is
allowed to run so wild
and your dreams are
allowed to burn so bright

…what if

– butterflies rising

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until you finally feel free…

let it fall through your fingers again and again and again until you finally feel free

sometimes,
letting go is an exorcism.
it’s standing on a bridge in the mountains
in the black of the night
and screaming to the stars as you throw
that necklace they gave you out into the canyon.
and you watch it fall into every bit of the black below
just to make sure to yourself that you will never, ever hold it again…
to make sure you understand that they will never, ever hold you again.
and it’s chewing them out of your heart the way you used to bite down into their chest,
and with that same intensity you used to feel when you were that close to them.
an excruciating. exorcism.
burning it all down and leaving it all behind
and gutting yourself inside out
until you remove every last trace.

but sometimes… letting go is just noticing.
a little change in your breath. how it comes a little easier from your lungs.
how you feel just a little different in your skin, like it holds a little less memory of
their fingertip touch and a little more texture of who you are.

and then sometimes… it’s finally surrendering.
giving in to the loosening of your grip on what you can no longer hold on to because
it just hurts too. much. to keep holding on.
so you decide it might be ok- it might be essential to start letting go.
and you let go just a little bit. and then a little bit more.
and you let it fall through your fingers
again and again and again
until you finally feel free.

– butterflies rising

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sometimes… letting go is just noticing…

let it fall through your fingers again and again and again until you finally feel free

sometimes…
letting go is just noticing.
a little change in your breath.
how it comes a little easier from your lungs.
how you feel just a little different in your skin,
like it holds a little less memory of what hurt you
and a little more texture of who you are.
it’s just finally surrendering.
giving in to the loosening of your grip
on what you can no longer hold on to because
it just hurts too. much. to keep holding on.
so you decide it might be ok- it might be essential
to start letting go.
and you let go just a little bit.
and then a little bit more.
and you let it fall through your fingers
again and again and again
until you finally feel free.

– butterflies rising

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aching to touch stars…

that part of you that is aching to touch stars

aching to touch stars…

i hope you keep it close…
no matter what.
if it’s imprinted on you,
like soul memory,
then i hope you keep it so. close.
and that you hold on tight
no matter what.
there will be little traces of someday
in the not-quite-yet, and i hope you feel them.
and that you can find a way to trust them.
even if weary sets in and uncertain gets loud,
i hope you can be gentle with that doubt.
and that something in you knows that it will pass.
and that it doesn’t mean give up.
i hope you never truly feel give-up.
but if you do, then i hope that some. how.
the fight in you finds its teeth
and that heart of yours finds its fire
and that you can reach deep down into that
part of you that is aching to touch stars and just
find a way to stay dreaming no. matter. what.
i hope you can hold on and hold on
and hold on… until you can feel
every last bit of your hope
holding you right back.

– butterflies rising

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