even if it is madness…

even if it is madness to do so, i will let myself feel you.

even if it is
madness to do so,
i will let myself feel you.
and even if it is through
madness to find you,
i will search for you.
and no matter how far
and wide we wander,
how. desperately.
we lose our way…
i will look for you
in every lifetime,
until we finally stay.

– butterflies rising

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like a sure thing…

all that destiny in those wild eyes - butterflies rising

you walk in
like a sure thing…
and i don’t mean
easy skin,
i mean sure love and
steady hands,
all that destiny in those wild eyes,
so much passion in that wild heart,
all the marks on you
and the strength in you
from the mountains within you
that you scaled to get here…
it’s beautiful.
so many moons in you.
all to find your way to this light that’s
burning for you within me.

– butterflies rising

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too full, too much…

for so long
i thought if i could
just become. enough.
that it would be enough
for him to be good to me…
until i finally realized that
wasn’t what he wanted.
he wanted me
to be pretty enough
to be beautiful in his eyes,
but my eyes better
not be too bright,
and that dress better
not be too short,
and those lips better not be
too full of lush and love
or talk of too much life for
anyone else to see something
beautiful in me…
or heaven forbid, for me to see
something beautiful in myself.
and those dreams i had to
find my voice and to spill out
the words and the wild
from my heart onto pages
and out into the world…
if i was chasing those dreams,
then i wouldn’t be small enough
or sitting still enough as
the sure thing there waiting
while he was chasing his.
the more i tried to be. enough.
the more i became too much.
because underneath all the
ways he needed me to be small,
“enough” is what he felt
like he wasn’t.

– butterflies rising

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